Xmas Newsletter
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Christmas Newsletter - 1999 Greetings, and welcome to the inaugural Stuyt family Christmas newsletter!
I ve been cautioned (threatened is closer to the truth) to keep this document to a reasonable size. I ve also been warned that any words containing in excess of three syllables or that require dictionary assistance will be subject to discretionary editorial liberties. (While I claim to rule this new and improved Stuyt roost, the fact remains that a certain square headed Czech has been known to exercise her considerable political/dictatorial influence and overrule the lowly family scribe on more occasions than he cares to admit. In any event, forthwith I go ..and censors be damned I ll write how I please! (A man must flush out his testosterone every now and then even if it is with a wink and a nod from his beloved)!
To start Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukah, Praise Buddha etc. (Please insert you preferred deity or pagan ritual of choice here for seasonality s sake). In short, the reason you have this entertaining parchment in your cranberry stained hands has everything to do with the fact that seven days hence (yes I realize we ve a bit tardy here, but coming from a house of promoters you should be thankful this isn t arriving in July), I ll be hunkering down to yet another delectable feast of mud-fed carp, blood sausage soup and pan fried schnitzel. Sets the mouth to salivating doesn t it! For those of you unaware of my plight, Czech citizens honor the passing of Christmas by filleting up a freshly butchered carp and serving it alongside either fish or blood sausage soup, pan fried (burned) schnitzel and a heaping bowl of potato salad. Gone are the days of carving the overstuffed Christmas beast, banished are the mounds of fluffy mashed potatoes, the moist, succulent stuffing, the pecan and pumpkin pies. Carp and schnitzel it is . (Crap and Shitzel as it s known to the long suffering in-laws)! But a ritual feast nonetheless and in the big picture a small price to pay for joining the Chobot clan.
Which brings me to the main objective of this holiday message .the spreading of good cheer, followed by a few short paragraphs of nostalgia from the year just passed (the Coles notes if you will) and then a quick conclusion with a literary we are the world , live long and prosper finish. Touching isn t it?
So let s get started. 1996 was a year that will live in Stuyt infamy forever. It will remain eternally close to our hearts as, of course, the year that Sharka and I married. I was once told that the three most stressful events that the general population will experience in their lifetimes are 1) getting married, 2) buying a first house and 3) having a baby. We embraced the first two but panicked and settled for a new puppy for the third. Life has been busy I can assure you! What s interesting however, is that while I can vividly remember the fears that ran rampant through me prior to both buying the house and getting married looking back at the experiences from the other side of the fence I find myself wondering what I had been so terribly afraid of. (I do in fact have a few answers to the preceding question but for the sake of brevity, and in genuine fear of editorial mayhem, I will refrain from articulating at length. Put simply, marrying Sharka and establishing roots has brought an unexpected peace to my otherwise chaotic life).
The house we had bought was not yet quite a home however so we gutted the kitchen to the drywall, tore out two bathrooms, painted every square inch three time over and on the seventh day rested. Unfortunately, on the eighth day were right back at it .only this time it was the outside. In came 64 yards of dirt (4 dump trucks), 45 new trees and shrubs, a new fence, a new deck, some concrete and enough lumber to send ol Noah back to sea. (Which had crossed our minds given that the six weeks in which we chose to complete the preceding projects were visited by some of the most horrendous torrential rains and wind ever to befall the traditionally desert-like
If not for the wisdom and guidance of my generous father and the relentless dedication of my elder brother I would at this very moment be laboriously wheel barrowing dirt about my rain besotted parcel of real estate, rather than sipping herbal tea and pecking my way around the keyboard.
On to the mongrel! The addition of a hound to the family abode has introduced some interesting changes and challenges. Gone are the days of carelessly throwing a handful of clothes in the trunk and heading north for a sordid weekend of lechery in Whistler. Replacing those frivolous weekends of freedom are early morning walks in the pelting rain, endless scoops of befouling canine coilers and enough chewed shoes to keep Steve Fonyo in footwear for a lifetime. We had also been dutifully warned that dogs are prone to emulate the behavior and characteristics of their owners. To this I can only comment that our pooch is not the complacent, docile, even tempered pet we had anticipated. Instead, we ve been graced with an insane, hyperactive, hole-digging, leather munching, hound from hell. How appropriate. To be truthful, the dog and I get along just fine, it s Sharka dealing with the two of us that I find amusing.
So there you have it. In a nutshell; we sold the old condo, acquired the title of land barons (through the requisite purchase of the obligatory money pit), joined the ranks of the betrothed and added a disobedient canine of dubious character to our house and home. An interesting year I can assure you.
For those of you in the listening audience who find yourself chuckling at the prospect of Sharka and I bringing forth a child or two blessed with personality traits resembling the oft-maligned pup, rest assured that similar thoughts have crossed our minds as well; and we re frightened very frightened. But don t smirk too smugly my friend. The karmic wheel of justice may roll over you yet, and the time may come to pass when you find yourself called upon to baby-sit two or three carrot topped, square-headed, herbal tea drinking savages of dutch/czech descent.
With the logistics out of the way we can move directly to the meat of the message. Christmas is a ritual and one that brings with it both good and bad memories for many of us. My take on it is simple. With the hectic lifestyle I (and many of us) lead, I welcome any opportunity that encourages me to reconnect with family and friends. Even if I have to participate in the commercial carnage (and carp) that clouds the true intent of the season. The end result is that come December 24 and 25 I ll be surrounded by people I hold close to my heart. I ll be poorer in wallet but richer in spirit.
So there you have it. Sharka, Nala (the hound) and I wish you and all the people close to your heart a wonderful holiday season and a joyous New Year.
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